What does leadership look like? How can we influence others for the better?

These two questions have been at the top of my mind this week, and they started because of an Instagram post I saw from a friend. It spoke about their group of people who have bettered each other and how we, as leaders, can work to better others. How we can achieve great things because of it. It was simple enough and a great message, really. But something about that post didn’t sit right with me. I felt preached at, not really inspired or motivated to do something. I’ve realized we all like to preach about how to be better but refuse to lend an ear to a mouth that isn’t our own. We all want to talk AT people. We have a more challenging time sharing WITH them and listening TO them.

We’ve all seen those Instagram accounts about leadership, self-improvement, etc. I know a few people who are going down this route right now. What bothers me about these accounts and the people running them is their underlying savior complex about knowing it ALL when it comes to being better. The core rational is because I have been through these experiences in my life and have held these positions of authority, it automatically qualifies us to give advice to better your life. And that’s fake, to me. That’s not to say the advice shared aren’t helpful by any means, but it just isn’t REAL. There is a disconnect that occurs on social media that goes from the person writing the material to the person actually reading it. And the same goes for real life. Oftentimes, leaders get trapped in this mindset that they’re somehow above the people they lead. The most powerful influence and change in someone’s life happens when we meet them on their level, not preaching above them.

No one has all the answers; we’re all certainly far from perfect. I’ve found it frustrating when I’ve been led by people who believe they are right about how we should all act and lead but, in practice, frequently go against the grain of the principles they teach. To me, that lessens the impact of their words if they can’t practice what they preach. We all have to be real, raw, and honest with each other. We should genuinely want to better each other for the sake of believing in humanity, not for the recognition it gives us. The best leaders find value in just wanting to be there to serve other people. People can find value in that kind of authentic leadership. I am no more qualified or justified in being a leader than anyone else; all I can hope for is that my words and actions that support truly mean something to someone. Leadership isn’t about preaching what a good person you are and the community that you have. It’s by working daily to better the people around you without explicitly stating it. Sometimes, that means being in a position where we’re seen by many people and have the chance to represent something. But most of the time, that looks like showing up and being present in the environment that you’re in without a title or ounce of authority. We don’t need a position to be important to someone.

There’s also a very important flip side to what I’m writing right now, which is a key aspect of relationships. We can give a lot, but we must also be willing to take. This is where many people I know, myself included, could work to improve. Just as we can influence, we can also be influenced. We can be led by anyone or given advice and perspective. The choice we have to make is whether or not we want to LISTEN. We love speaking. We need to improve at listening. The critiques, advice, and perspectives we receive from others are often meant to better us and offer an outside view of what we could be doing wrong. We don’t have to take every single bit to heart, but we need to understand where it is coming from and hear the other person out. Suppose we’re stubborn, arrogant, or rude to others trying to offer us a lesson or perspective. In that case, we’re going against what we want to portray to others. And if we’ve reached a point where we think we have seen it all, done it all, and don’t need to change our worldview to accommodate others, then we’ve gone rigid and inflexible to the forces of others working to mold us into better people. We can always improve. We need to stop the portrayal of perfection and be willing to heed others’ advice and perspective. Good leaders should be great listeners.

If you feel called out by this, reflect on your motivations. There is always a reason why we do what we do. It may be time to think about what yours truly is and adjust accordingly.

And if this post feels preachy or critical of others, it’s not meant to be. I’ve held multiple leadership positions and have been regarded by others as a leader at various points in my life so far. And I can confidently tell you that I am nowhere near perfect or have any of the answers. I like to give out advice and help when I feel it is needed. I’m working to listen honestly to others to give myself a more dynamic worldview. I am simply here because I believe we can be more to better others. And I believe that we all can be real and raw with each other to help shape us into better people. Ultimately, we should just want what is best for each other. We don’t need to preach to make that happen.

-Colby