You wanna talk about mountaintop experiences? You know, the experiences where you feel like you’ve climbed to the top of a mountain looking out into the world, knowing that you’ve accomplished something big? This last weekend was a mountaintop experience, and it has made me think about what the peak looks like in my life.

I don’t want to brag, but I’ve had some cool things happen over the last few years. Graduating high school near the top of my class, growing an FFA chapter from nothing to something, getting elected to state office, being awarded lots of scholarships, broke records in my fraternity, running my fraternity to a new high point, getting accepted into an out-of-state law school and been invited to speak at banquets & sorts are things that I’ve done, to name a few. I’m proud of that work and how it represents my accomplishments. But the highs and lows of this weekend made me think about a different perspective.

Two weeks ago, I started a temporary job at the Farm Service Agency office in Albany to work full-time until August. It’s a normal 40-hour/week job that has me doing general office work and occasionally meeting with farmers to certify their acreage reporting so they can qualify for benefit programs. There are about six people in that office, and everyone is super respectful. But it’s been a hard transition. Going from the loose college class schedule to having to structure my day explicitly around 8am-to 4:30pm feels very weird. But more importantly, going from the last seven years of feeling important to so many people in a position of recognition to doing clerical work makes me feel…purposeless. That’s not to say it’s not essential. I get the opportunity to help out farmers every day. It doesn’t feel like I’m living up to what I could. Granted, this job is temporary. I’m going to Kentucky in the fall, and until then, I will put in my best effort here. But it didn’t give me the satisfaction I wanted and made me think about adult life more.

Compare the situation that I’m in with work to Shasta. There, I’m way more known by everyone in Greek Life and was fully in charge. I was partying as my boat’s captain and ensured everyone was safe during the trip. Combine that with my ego getting stroked by people I knew coming up to me and saying what a great job I’ve done with my fraternity, and you can see how I enjoyed myself a lot more than the office. Shasta and my new job feel like a juxtaposition in my life. And after a conversation with my friend, who was a Past State Officer before me, I felt like I had hit my peak during that trip, and now I’m going to coast for the rest of my life.

The concept of “peaking” is so interesting to me. We all see those memes of people who peaked in high school and try to relive their “glory days.” People who hang onto the past because they think they were at their best at that point will never grow and change. But we have to look deeper to understand WHY that is the case. When we feel necessary or important to people, we get validation from that. Getting recognition for our deeds makes us feel good because we’ve associated our identity and that accomplishment with that era of our lives or that organization we’re in. And while we all should always recognize others’ accomplishments and be recognized for the things we’ve done, we shouldn’t fall into that trap of continuously wanting that validation from that thing we were associated with after our time there is done. In my case, I’m moving away from being president of a fraternity and being recognized everywhere at Oregon State. For some people that I know, they can’t move on from their FFA days. For others, they’re stuck in high school. If we continue to put our worth into that specific organization, then we will tether our worthiness and validity to people’s perceptions of our time during that era. And that means that we are constantly looking behind us to feel worthy. That’s not to say I don’t love the people that I know who are looking in the rear-view mirror, but I know that the version of them that I remember from that time is eerily similar to the person they are today. And that’s not a completely bad thing. They were at a high point in their life and got validation and praise because of their accomplishments. And rather than look in front of them and take a risk by trying something new, they’re stuck wanting validation and trying to relive their past trying to get it.  

When I left Shasta, I initially thought I had reached the peak in my life. But I don’t believe that’s the case for me, or for anyone who believes the best is behind them. If we turn towards the future and what lies ahead of us, we can look for new opportunities that present themselves. And those opportunities can lead us to new people and organizations that we can grow and change. But we have to leave the past in the past. There’s just nothing there to explore, no new sites to see. I may be at the top of this mountain with my undergraduate experience, but there is so much more I want to do and accomplish. I’m going to enjoy this view from the peak I’m at right now, but when it’s time, I will climb down the mountain and find a new wilderness to explore.

Always remember your past. But don’t dwell on it. And if you think you’re at your peak, you’re severely limiting yourself. Stop looking at photos from your last trip. They’re not helping you find your next destination.

There is more than one peak to see. Go find another mountain to climb.

-Colby