Every few weeks of 2025, I’ve thought about sitting down and writing something as an update to what is going on in my life. I would sit down on my couch in my apartment, make sure every other tab on my MacBook was cleared and my TV was off so I could focus on reflect. I had the draft open, title typed “2025, Chapter 1:” and …… nothing.

I either couldn’t focus for a few minutes without getting distracted, think about checking my phone, or get up to eat something. And every few weeks this year, I would get into that cycle. Thinking I would want to write, sit down and try to do it, and stop. I couldn’t quite figure out why and I still don’t fully know the answer. When I opened my computer up yesterday to start trying again, I had about 8 open drafts all titled “2025, Chapter 1:” that I had to delete. I found it funny, but also a bit sad that I didn’t write when I felt like I was supposed to and couldn’t think of something that I felt like I could type out. But I am here, I am alive, and this post is aimed to getting back to processing and reflecting.

June 2025. Life update: I finished my first year of law school about a month ago. I’m working for an attorney as a law clerk over the summer, and I recently came back from visiting Oregon for 10 days. Reflecting on my first year of law school, there’s a lot of things that well, while others not so much. I feel that I’ve progressed a lot more in some areas in my life, while stagnated or moved backwards in others in ways that I was surprised.

My first semester was all about adjustment, trying to figure out how to get used to this new area across the country, and figuring out what law school actually was like. I had a lot of good moments meeting new friends and trying new things, but I really missed my friends back home and was not prepared for the workload that law school had for me. I was too overconfident in my abilities, didn’t prepare in a way that I should have, and didn’t do well academically my first semester. It’s not like I failed any classes or anything, and am still on track to graduate on time. But first me, I did poorly, GPA-wise, and I was a bit humiliated. I care about doing the best that I can and feeling proud of it. And I didn’t try my best and I wasn’t proud of it. And my GPA reflected that. It was humbling, to say the least, to go from feeling like a hero to feeling like a zero in such a short time span. Six months earlier, June 2024, I was graduating from undergrad with honors, won every award possible in Greek Life, and was at a place where I was living with my closest friends and I was genuinely happy. I was in my comfort zone and I was enjoying life. And in comparison, in January 2025, I wasn’t happy. I felt directionless, frustrated, and very behind my classmates. I didn’t know what I was going to do for a summer job or what type of law I want to practice. It felt like I had gone backwards fast.

However, I’m a firm believer that setbacks are important in our journeys. Bad things happen and you make mistakes. But you pull yourself up, put yourself back together, figure out what you did wrong, and keep fighting. I had no one to blame but myself for not meeting my standards and I took responsibility. I met with my professors and they gave me guidance. I figured out what I did wrong, reflected on my own (and not a WordPress post) and made adjustments.

I’m very happy and proud to say that the second semester went a lot better for me. The theme of my second semester was resiliency. Despite the crappy weather, classes getting harder, and feeling a lot less confident, I moved forward because I wanted to do good for me. There were a lot of late nights reading, a ton of finals prep, and more hours than I care to admit spending in the musty law library studying with a persistent headache. Of course, I wasn’t alone. I have great people back here that I’ve grown to be friends with that were supportive. A lot of us worked together on studying and as a result, a good number of us are on the Dean’s List for Spring 2025, which is above a 3.5 GPA for the semester. That took a lot of hard work and it took a lot of resiliency of just pushing forward.

I don’t share this as a way of bragging about how well that I did. A GPA isn’t reflective of someone’s self-worth and I’m still the same person, regardless if I did good or bad. I’m sharing this because I’m happy I did well. The last year hasn’t been the easiest mentally and going through law school is a mental battle, whether people want to admit that or not.

So that is probably why I feel more comfortable writing now than I have the past six months. I think part of it was my own ego getting in the way, not wanting to admit to myself or others that I wasn’t doing as good as I thought I was, that I haven’t been as successful in the past year as I thought I was going to be, that my reflections in this year, 2025, would be more somber and lower than they were during the first part of 2024, a high-water mark on my life thus far. Or that when I moved across the country to try something new that I could leave all my emotional baggage from FFA, FIJI, OSU, or whatever behind, when life just doesn’t work like that. And I’m reminded by the fact life is a series of mountains and valleys and right now, I’m not at a peak moment. I forgot that I was building towards my next goal of graduating law school when I was stuck, mentally, thinking about the previous peaks of my own life as a comparison for my current situation, which wasn’t an accurate comparison because those peaks took years to get to as well. Not every moment in our lives is a glorious peak where we win awards, lead organizations, and kick ass. For every Shasta-level great moments there’s crappy ones like re-reading about covenants in property law for the third time because covenants are awful, annoying, and confusing. But I finally figured it out and the effort took in that difficulty lead to a mountain top moment of finishing with an A in Property Law. It may not be as big or as flashy as my Retiring Address, or graduating with Honors, but it’s a moment I’m proud of because the work paid off. And now I’m at a place where I feel more comfortable in my environment because I’ve gone through tough moments like that and made it through, and I’m in a better spot than I was six months ago to share that. It’s the combination of the good, the bad, and the messy that make us human. Not every moment is a good moment, nor every day a good day. But we have to keep moving to make progress or we won’t be able to see that. I’m happy to say that I stayed resilient and it paid off.

So, here it is. After eight failed attempts, I’m happy to write Chapter 1 of my 2025 story. I’m alive and I made it through my first year of law school. It wasn’t all great, nor all bad. But I’m still alive, am thankful for it, and am ready to do some more writing.

I don’t have a set schedule writing these posts anymore. The purpose and look of this online journal (I refuse to call it a blog) has changed because I’ve changed. As of right now, the purpose of these posts is unapologetically for me to process and write, for others to know what is going on with me if they don’t reach out to me directly, and always here for others, like you reading this, to hopefully gain some perspective and help you too. I’ll write when I feel like it, because some chapters of our lives are big and others are small. And a strict timetable of writing doesn’t feel like the best way to reflect for me.

Hope you enjoyed this. We’re so back, and I’m moving forward at my own pace.

-Colby