When you get stressed out, are you able to tell? What symptoms show up, and how do you deal with them? I often don’t realize I’m stressed until it’s too late, and by then I have a harder time than most when it comes to recovering from it.

Back when I was in my fraternity, I had the opportunity to be one of the recruitment chairs for Fall 2022. At that point, things were in dire straits for FIJI. Numbers were low, and we needed a huge pledge class just to maintain our chapter and supplement my already small pledge class. There was a lot riding on getting a good pledge class, so I felt a lot of pressure. Starting in July, I took over the logistics side of recruitment, planning out specific events and coordinating with our cabinet on how everything was going to run, from what food would be served, to how we would bid Potential New Members, to strategies for increasing our visibility on campus and maximizing our chances at a large class. For the next two and a half months, my life revolved almost entirely around hitting our goal of 30 new members—a very high bar for us at the time. The pressure, both internal and external, was a lot, and in my mind everything had to go perfectly.

The two weeks of recruitment that year were nothing short of literal hell for me. Every day I woke up with a pounding migraine, dragged myself out of bed, and spent the entire day stuck in a mental feedback loop, running through logistics over and over, double and triple-checking every scenario with every relevant person to make sure “the plan” was on track. I kept meticulous notes on where we stood with each Potential New Member who came by the house. I remember sitting in the dining room that week, staring blankly at the table, barely touching my food, and hardly registering conversations around me as my thoughts kept spiraling. My stomach hurt constantly, and I felt way more tense than usual.

When the recruitment events actually happened later in the day, I felt brief relief each time someone signed a bid and we inched closer to our goal. But that relief never lasted. It felt like pushing a giant rock closer to the top of a hill and any misstep would cause it to come rolling back down. Right before Jump Day (Oregon State’s equivalent of Bid Day), I even went to the doctor because I thought I was physically sick. It turned out I had stressed myself out that it manifested into physical symptoms. In just 10 days, I lost 12 pounds and erased nearly all of the bulk progress I had worked for earlier that summer.

It took me more than a week after recruitment to fully recover. Granted, we did end up meeting and exceeding our goal, but the success came at an extreme physical cost, one that was largely self-imposed. By the time I tried to correct course, the damage to my body had already been done.

Fast forward to this past week. After a relaxed summer, I moved into my new apartment with my roommates. I wrapped up work, ordered my textbooks, and got everything done so I could finally have a week to myself. But then I started noticing that something felt off.

It began when my sleep score on my Oura Ring dropped by 15 points. I woke up with a headache and felt on edge. Whenever someone who didn’t live in our apartment came in, I caught myself tensing up and getting irritated—more than usual. My mind started running mental loops: When are my textbooks arriving? Have I taken enough notes for class? When’s the SBA event? What about the law review meeting? When should I start researching my topic? Do we need more cleaning supplies? Instead of focusing, I felt disoriented. I even tried to sit down and write a post like this a few days ago, but my thoughts were scattered, and my brain dump went nowhere.

Once again, I was stressed. Not from law school itself, but from the anticipation of it, and the adjustment from summer to a school-year schedule, moving into a new apartment, and the weight of the high standards I always set for myself. The difference this time, though, was that I recognized the signs early and took immediate steps to get out of the spiral. I left my apartment, which still feels like a stressor since I haven’t fully adjusted to it yet, went grocery shopping, talked with my roommates about our plan for hosting people, and mapped out the upcoming week so I knew exactly what to tackle and when.

Taking action helped break the loop. It also gave me the idea to sit down and write this post, since I’ve realized I can only write when I’m calm and not overthinking. And now, less than 24 hours before I start my 2L year of law school, I feel far more centered and ready than I did just a few days ago.

Stress is interesting. It can be both good and bad. I tend to do my best work when I’m at least a little anxious and have a deadline—whether self-imposed or not—pushing me to perform. Healthy competition drives me, even though toxic competition is something I can’t stand. Back when I was recruitment chair, the pressure of high expectations was what made that year so successful for us, and it was a major factor in the fraternity’s success long after. In the same way, I hold myself to very high standards, and I usually rise to them when I channel stress productively. But the key is knowing where the line is and recognizing when stress sharpens you, versus when it starts to wear you down.

Stress is also highly individual. For me, the telltale signs that I’ve crossed into an unhealthy level usually start with headaches and irritability over the littlest things. From there, it extends into mental feedback loops, difficulty leaving wherever I am (like my apartment), and a constant urge to “check in” with other people for reassurance on whatever we’re working in if I’m involved in a group project. By the time I reach the stage where I can’t eat or my ambivalent demeanor shifts into being fully on edge all the time, I know that I’m not okay—and that I’m starting to negatively affect the people around me. But by then, it’s progressed too far.

If you’re prone to stress like I am, the first step is knowing your triggers. I thought I was in good shape heading into this semester because I had a week off before classes started, but moving apartments and shifting schedules ended up being bigger stressors than I expected. If you’re feeling tense, on edge, or caught in mental loops, that’s the moment to check in with yourself and identify what’s really going on. Once you can name the source, you can start taking the right steps to get back to a healthier place mentally and physically.

For me, being social or going to the bars doesn’t do much to relieve stress. Neither does ranting about my “problems,” sitting by the pool, or even writing. What does help is something simple and grounding: a grocery store run, getting my car washed, drinking a ton of water, grabbing a slice of Costco pizza, laughing with my roommate while watching the Jags play, or forcing myself to get some cardio in. These are activities I genuinely enjoy, and they don’t come with the costs that other “relievers” like nicotine do. And now that I’ve reset myself in these small ways, I feel more focused and ready to start class tomorrow. I’m still nervous, of course, but far more engaged than I was a week ago.

Stress can be useful in small doses, but left unchecked it can be seriously destructive. If you’re feeling it, take the time to reflect on what might really be causing it. You may be surprised, like I was. Once you know, lean into the healthy outlets that work for you. Grocery shopping may not do it for everyone, but maybe going for a walk, listening to music, or another simple routine does. Worrying and overworking don’t solve problems; they only burn you out and leave damage behind, even if you hit your goals in the process. Your health and self-worth matter more than school, work, or any club—so prioritize them first.

At the end of the day, stress will always find its way into our lives. It can manifest mentally, like feedback loops, and physically, like headaches. But it’s how we respond to it that determines whether it sharpens us or breaks us down. We won’t always get it right, but recognizing the signs early and choosing healthier ways to manage it makes all the difference between letting stress control us and using it to push us forward.

-Colby